ANSWERPHONE MESSAGES
Click the filename on the right to download the file:
| Description | Time | Size | Filename |
| 'Oh, you wanna leave a message well say no more squire . . .' | 00:03 | 137k | Saynomr.zip |
| 'At the sound of the tone I will wave my private parts in your direction' | 00:04 | 146k | Wave.zip |
| 'You have reached the Whizzo chocolate factory, please leave a message after the burp . . . err beep' | 00:05 | 1907k | Whizzo.zip |
| 'Ohhh hello love nice to hear from you, oh, don't be a stranger will you, just leave a message' | 00:05 | 215k | Love.zip |
| 'Thank you for calling the Bolton wife swapping service, if you wish to leave a massage please squeak after the tone' | 00:06 | 231k | Wifeswp.zip |
| 'G'day, Bruce here, if your name is Bruce please leave your name Bruce and your Bruce phone number after the beep' | 00:06 | 235k | Bruce.zip |
| 'Hello, you've reached the Monty Python silly voices preservation society, if you have a silly voice please speak now . . .' | 00:07 | 273k | Sillyv1.zip |
| 'This is the Reverend Ronald Sims the dirty Vicar of St. Loony of the cream bun and jam, please leave a message after the shriek' | 00:07 | 269k | Revsims.zip |
| 'Ooh, hello you've reached the Monty Python silly voices preservation society, if you have a silly voice you may make your donation after the beep' | 00:08 | 319k | Sillyv2.zip |
| Eric Idle sings something faintly Spanish sounding then says 'Please leave a message after the beep' | 00:09 | 353k | Grande.zip |
| 'What is it you great pillock! why do you persist in bothering us you great poovy poleanger (?), oh I'm sorry I didn't realise it was you, just leave a message' | 00:09 | 309k | Insult.zip |
| 'Oh thank you love, thank you very much, look I'm sorry I forgot to mention you on my Academy award winning speech, but there were so many people to thank love all of whom were much frankly more important than you, so if your calling to complain please leave a message after the beep' | 00:13 | 476k | Academy.zip |
| (Singing) 'Hello my name is Meryl Streep, please leave a message after the beep' | 00:13 | 491k | Meryl.zip |
| (Singing) 'I'm busy, I'm busy, I can't come to the phone, I'm busy, I'm busy I'm really not at home, so leave your message dear and I'll get back to you, everyone wants to meet me now' | 00:19 | 707k | Im_busy.zip |
| 'Oooh, hello love, fancy you calling in now, well, I can't talk to you dear, I've just got to go and boil the cat, yes, little bugger, won't keep still, wriggling about all over the place, just leave a message and I'll get back to you honest I will love I really will, just a soon as I've called Mrs. Satre' | 00:19 | 718k | Boilcat.zip |
| 'Hi, you've reached Monty Python's phone mail system, if you are calling from a touchtone phone you may make a selection at any time, for the latest gossip about the royal family pull your left earlobe, for current scores in the Bolton wife swapping marathon scratch your right buttock, for details about a recent political sex scandal please stay on the line . . .' | 00:19 | 679k | Touchtn.zip |
| 'Hi, you have reached the Alzheimers research err . . . lavatory no . . . err lobotomy . . . err the place thingy where we study err, if you wish to leave a, ooh gosh what was it . . .erm a menage a trois . . . no if you wish to leave a . . . oh . . . please speak after the err. . . bath . . . err . . . the BEEP! | 00:29 | 986k | Alzheim.zip |
| (Singing) 'Please leave a message after the tone . . . because at the moment noone's home . . . I've gone out shopping or to buy some new toilet rolls so please leave a message after the tone . . .' | 00:32 | 1,194k | Shoping.zip |
| (Singing) 'If you could leave a message after the tone . . . then speak clearly and I'll call you when I'm home . . . just say your words and say your name leave the time and date you called and I'll get back to you unless your completely a boring old fart . . . if you wanna leave a message after the tone . . . and darling please forgive me I'm not home . . . I'm out shopping or trying to buy a dress . . . so please leave your message unless your in distress . . . please leave a message after the tone . . . I'm so sorry this has taken me so long . . . I hope your not calling from Australia or far from Singapore . . . or this whole thing is costing you a fortune as well as being a bore . . . leave a message please leave me a message after the tone . . . because . . . allright I am, I am home, I am, I am, I am, I'm locked up in the bathroom all alone, please leave me a message after the tone . . . | 02:25! | 5,392k | Song.zip |